Alone…

Well the day hasn’t gone as I’d hoped it would. Anger showed quickly this morning leading to nothing good. So as I sit by the lake alone, with a wet head,(a story for another day) I realize where my anger has left me. I’ve lost jobs, friends, loved ones and relationships because of anger. I am not proud of these loses. They actually fuel the anger. It’s a vicious cycle. Anger has robbed me of the one thing I truly want in life…love, and left me the one thing I don’t want…to be alone.

I will get a hold of this.

It’s time for a new beginning…

This isn’t a New Year’s resolution, it’s a life change.  I am making myself accountable for my action, and more importantly my lack of.

My life is not where I want it to be, as I would imagine a lot of peoples aren’t.  I’ve decided to refocus my entire life.  Not just letting go of the of the past, but dealing with it. Completely moving forward so I can have the amazing life I have always dreamed of.

I will focus on my health through exercise and healthy eating.  I will deal with the issue of anger that seems to consume me at times.  I will learn how to love myself, for who I am, imperfections and all.

I plan on being completely open and honest, the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, my failures and my successes.

So now a bit about me and where I really am in my life…

I’m 41 and single, but dating an amazing man who I will refer to as EJ.  I have two amazing kids, though I need to face the fact that they are “kids” anymore, Son is 21 and married to an fantastic young lady, my daughter Louise is 17 and will be graduating high school in a few short months.  The fact that they are starting there lives has me feeling a little lost at times.

I am over weight.  I see my mom going through so much pain with her body, I am determined to not find myself in the same place twenty years from now.  I have started to eat healthier and will begin working out again.  I want to have a life where I can get up in the morning and not “snap, crackle and pop”.  I want to not have to “steady” myself when I stand up from a  chair because my hips and my feet hurt so bad.  YES at 41 I feel this pain already.  I am setting goals, which I will talk about, and I will succeed at them.

I am an angry person, and I hate it.  There are so many reason I can blame for my anger, but blame won’t change my past and surly wont change my future.  I will research ways to deal with it, I will seek help from a “licensed professional”.  I WILL STOP BEING ANGRY.

My goal through all this is to, in a nut shell, become a better mom, partner, daughter, sister, friend and all around better person.  There will be laughter and tears, good times and bad, failures and successes.

Let the journey begin…